1 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,960 Hi. You from the police? 2 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,520 Yeah, no. Sort of. 3 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,840 Mm, your mates left about two hours ago. 4 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,920 Oh, yeah, I always come after them. I've... 5 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,120 Oh, my God. What? 6 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,200 Where did you get that T-shirt? It's so cool. 7 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,720 I don't know, I've had it years. 8 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,960 Mm. I thought it might be from the vintage place in town. 9 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,120 It looks proper '80s. 10 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,520 Probably is proper '80s. 11 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,040 I probably bought it in the proper '80s. 12 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,960 Shut up! You shut up. 13 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,600 Come on, I'll show you what happened. 14 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,720 Hey. 15 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,160 Your parents have got good taste. 16 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,280 That's MY car. 17 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,480 I know you'll never be mine, 18 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,640 but no-one could love you 19 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,720 the way I would've loved you. 20 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:49,880 What are you doing? 21 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,240 Oh, no, I was just, uh... 22 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,480 No, she's good, mate. Yeah, good as gold, that is. 23 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,000 Yep. 24 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,400 In here. 25 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,760 Well, you've stolen my childhood. 26 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,720 Oh, I'm totally obsessed with '80s stuff, 27 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,760 literally anything made in the '80s. 28 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,240 Have you seen Stranger Things? 29 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,640 That wasn't made in the '80s. 30 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,320 But you like '80s, too. 31 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,160 Yeah, I'm FROM the '80s. 32 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,600 Amazing. 33 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:37,680 Like Back To The Future? 34 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:38,920 Yes. 35 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:43,120 "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." 36 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,720 You haven't seen it, have you? 37 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,160 No. No. 38 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,160 Mm. I've got to update me socials. 39 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,280 You're cool to do your thing, put tape up or whatever. 40 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:54,640 Yeah, cool, whatever. 41 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,040 Vibe. What? 42 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:58,240 I don't know. 43 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,000 It just felt right to say "vibe". 44 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,640 Why? 45 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,080 What happened with, uh...? 46 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,240 Oh, man, this dude came round to wire in the arcade machine 47 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:08,520 and...bam! 48 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,160 Bam? Bam. 49 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,840 What's bam? It just went up. 50 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,520 What's a fuse? 51 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,160 They stop people going bam. 52 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,240 Thank God I was out. Blood, it makes me barf. 53 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,400 Hmm. 54 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,480 Poor guy, though, eh? 55 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,800 Ugh, I know. It was, like, so sad. 56 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,840 Yeah. I can see you're devastated. 57 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,960 Hi, guys! 58 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,520 So, today, I'm going to do a vintage haul. 59 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,320 I've been saving up loads of amazing stuff. 60 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,800 Some of it's just old, but this is actual... 61 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,800 I'm going to get my stuff. Oh, oh, wait. 62 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,320 Before you go, 63 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,480 are you cool if I check something with you? 64 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,080 Is that a tray of onions? 65 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,440 Mm. 66 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:02,920 I'm in shock. 67 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,080 Something terrible has happened and... 68 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,400 ..I don't know what to say. 69 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,840 Sorry, I need a moment. 70 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,400 I know this is going to worry a few of you, and... 71 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,000 ..I'm fine. 72 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,120 Yeah. 73 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,200 No, I'm not. 74 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,440 I can't do this now, but I'll be back in 30 minutes 75 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,040 to tell you how my life has changed... 76 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,560 ..forever. 77 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:34,480 Well? 78 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,400 Jesus Christ. 79 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,880 Did it make you want to like and subscribe? 80 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:38,960 Liken subscribe? 81 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,120 Like and subscribe. 82 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,200 I don't know. Please say yeah. 83 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,760 I can't. I don't know what it means. 84 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,960 Well, say you'll like and subscribe. 85 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,880 I can't say like and subscribe to something 86 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,040 that I don't understand. 87 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,080 I don't know what like and subscribe is. Just say it! 88 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,560 One button, that's all it is. Just say it. Just say it, please. 89 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,640 Hosea, me, you... But what is it? ..like, subscribe. 90 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,920 How can I if I don't understand it? I need you on my side. 91 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,840 How can I agree to it? I just want you to like and subscribe! 92 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,880 One button. One button. Please like and subscribe. 93 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,480 Like and subscribe! 94 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,000 Thanks so much. 95 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,200 I can't do this now, but I'll be back in 30 minutes 96 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,840 to tell you how my life has changed... 97 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:27,880 ..forever. 98 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,400 Did you buy all this stuff, then? 99 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,560 Oh, most of it got sent to me. 100 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,680 Can I play with some of it? 101 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,240 Sure. 102 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:39,440 I used to be able to do these. 103 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,640 What do you mean? 104 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,120 You know, do them, complete them. 105 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,880 I didn't know you could do them. 106 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,360 I thought you just switched the stickers. I can complete them. 107 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:47,960 Are you like Professor Brian Cox? 108 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,760 I'm exactly like Professor Brian Cox. 109 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,320 Ta-da! 110 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,800 Fuck off! You fuck off. 111 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,240 This is going to break the internet. 112 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,440 I'll DM it you. 113 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,000 I think there's probably already videos 114 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,960 of people doing a Rubik's cube online, mate. 115 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,080 You should upload it. 116 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,720 I mean, I can't, because of the big announcement. 117 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,120 What socials are you on? 118 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,400 Oh. I'm only on Facebook. I don't use that. 119 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,400 I keep getting death threats from this woman. 120 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,640 You should look her up, actually. It's funny - 121 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,040 the Tattooed Milf. 122 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,160 You should get on Insta and TikTok. 123 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,800 My niece is always banging on about that. 124 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:36,840 What is TikTok? 125 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,000 What's TikTok? 126 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,920 That's TikTok. Well, I do not like it. 127 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,280 I'm not uploading that. 128 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,520 I don't like any of this social media stuff. 129 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,200 Who wants to know how people are doing? 130 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,320 Chris Marner's got an Audi R8 now. 131 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,600 At school, he got suspended 132 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,400 for eating the hood off a girl's coat. 133 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,480 You wouldn't have to do any of this police business any more 134 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:03,680 if you got enough followers. 135 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,280 I'm sorry, what is your job? 136 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:07,960 I'm Home Alone Hosea! 137 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,720 Jesus Christ, Grandad. 138 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,080 Do you own a computer? 139 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,040 Yeah. My mate Weasel got it for me, though, 140 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,400 and the keyboard's confusing. 141 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,360 Well, look me up sometime. I will. 142 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,200 Do you know your name in Chinese symbols? 143 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,240 Catch you later. 144 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,880 Loving the sexy police onesie, by the way. 145 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,360 Rip It Up by Orange Juice 146 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,880 ♪ When I first saw you, something stirred within me 147 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,480 ♪ You were standing sultry in the rain 148 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:04,400 ♪ If I could've held you, I would've held you 149 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,560 ♪ Rip it up and start again 150 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,840 ♪ Rip it up and start again 151 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,200 ♪ Rip it up and start again 152 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,840 ♪ I hope to God you're not as dumb as you make out 153 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:27,320 ♪ I hope to God 154 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:32,160 ♪ And I hope to God I'm not as numb as you make out 155 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:36,040 ♪ I hope to God 156 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:50,720 ♪ And when I next saw you, my heart reached out for you 157 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,920 ♪ My arms stuck like glue to my sides... ♪ 158 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,840 Oh, my God, what the fuck?! 159 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,840 Oh, dude, this is bad. What have you done? 160 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,200 I'm sorry, I was thirsty. 161 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,400 You drank that? 162 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,680 Those cans are 35 years old. I got them on eBay! 163 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,760 Never mind that. You've cleaned up all the blood. 164 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,080 Yeah, it's my job. You said you were the police. 165 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,600 No, YOU said I was the police. 166 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,000 Well, what are you? A crime scene cleaner. 167 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,640 You're a cleaner?! Crime scene. 168 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,200 He's just a cleaner! Who are you? 169 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,320 Why didn't you say you were just some cleaner? 170 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,720 Cos I'm not. Says he's not. 171 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,720 Well, he is. I'm not. What?! 172 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,760 What are you, dude? 173 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,120 I'm a crime scene cleaner! 174 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,560 If you clean, you're a cleaner. 175 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,920 And you've basically ruined my life! Well done, cleaner. 176 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,520 Not cool, bro. 177 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,040 Cool T-shirt, though. 178 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,680 What did I do wrong? 179 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,440 You cleaned his content, man. 180 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,840 What? He needed that content. 181 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,400 Why do you keep saying content? 182 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,240 He was going to livestream about the dead guy. 183 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,840 Content's money, bro. 184 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,160 OK, I'm not going to talk to you any more. 185 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,800 There's clearly something wrong. 186 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,480 Yo! Stay where you are. 187 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:05,720 Yeah, we can't light it. 188 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,640 Some massive fat dude cleared it up. 189 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,400 OK, I'll come there now. 190 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,720 Fat? 191 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,160 Yeah, you're, like, really fat. 192 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,120 Mate? 193 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,040 Oi, mate! 194 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,840 Can you come down? 195 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,320 Are you going to make me climb up there? 196 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,160 You think I haven't got those skills? 197 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,400 You think I haven't got tree-climbing skills? 198 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,640 All right, strap in. 199 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,960 Yes, please! 200 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,680 Not a problem. 201 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,880 There he is. 202 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,800 Up we go. 203 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,240 Yeah. 204 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,520 All good. All good. 205 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,080 Still got it. You never lose it. 206 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,520 Whoo! 207 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,560 This used to be like Disney World for us. 208 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,960 Cos you were poor? Boo-hoo. 209 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,680 Look, I don't know what I've done wrong. 210 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,080 I was going to do a big stream about the guy getting fried, 211 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,920 and now it's like it never happened. 212 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,720 People aren't interested in an electrical accident, are they? 213 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,480 I would've filmed Fat Baz down the pub when he blew his thumb off. 214 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:22,720 Why? 215 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,320 Oh, he was trying to hook a crumpet out of a toaster. 216 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:26,400 It was... No! 217 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,960 Why are you still talking to me? 218 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,160 I needed that dead guy, and you've cleaned him up. 219 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,840 Can't you put it back? 220 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,240 Put what back? 221 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,280 The blood. 222 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,800 Oh, the blood. Yeah, God, of course. 223 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,160 I've got some buckets in the car. 224 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,600 We'll go and splash it back on now. 225 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,800 You're shitting me? 226 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,120 Yes, I'm shitting you. 227 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:45,000 Well, congratulations for finding my ruined life 228 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,600 so hilarious, you sad, old fuck. 229 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,520 Go and mop up somewhere else. Well... 230 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,200 I don't even use a mop. 231 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,480 Your move. 232 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,000 Look, what's the matter, son? 233 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,880 It's over. 234 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,280 I know that, really. 235 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,320 Home Alone Hosea is just another Tom from MySpace 236 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,520 or the guy that sang Chocolate Rain. 237 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,080 Or that monkey that banged that frog. 238 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,040 So you've heard of the monkey that banged a frog? 239 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,520 The monkey's a legend, mate. 240 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,800 That's me now. 241 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,120 The monkey that banged a frog. 242 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:18,920 A joke. 243 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,400 Blackberry jam. 244 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,000 What? 245 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,760 You can make blood with blackberry jam. 246 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,360 Come on. 247 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:31,840 Let's get it done. 248 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:41,120 That's the Way by Dead or Alive 249 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:56,800 ♪ Keep that, keep that body strong 250 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,040 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 251 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,280 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 252 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,400 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 253 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,640 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 254 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,840 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 255 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,160 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 256 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,200 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 257 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,520 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 258 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,520 ♪ When you take me 259 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,560 ♪ By the hand 260 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,240 ♪ And tell me I'm 261 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,720 ♪ Your loving man... ♪ 262 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,720 Ah! 263 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,360 Did you have one in the '80s? 264 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,240 A soda thingy? No. 265 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,760 Mum said they were a waste of money. 266 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,320 I'd just been to the shops for her 267 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,920 to buy 40 fags and a bottle of Cinzano. 268 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,280 The irony wasn't wasted. 269 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,480 Honey. 270 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,440 So, how do you know how to use it? 271 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,240 They're not that complicated. 272 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,200 Hey, when we were kids, if we wanted free stuff, 273 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,320 we had to go down the rec and do a dance for Dirty Bertie. 274 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,840 I can't believe people send it you for nothing. 275 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,000 I can't believe you don't know who I am. 276 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,600 Well, tell me what happened. 277 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,840 When I was 16, my parents moved to Italy. 278 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,560 I told them I didn't want to go and they said, "Fine, that's up to you. 279 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,160 "You're old enough to make your own mind up," and left me in the house. 280 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,080 My Insta went mental. Loads of jealous little kids 281 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,840 imagining the perfect life with no rules. 282 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,520 Now I'm rich. The end. 283 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,000 They left you on your own? 284 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,880 I wanted to stay. Yeah, kids want to eat ice cream 285 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,320 that's been dropped in shit - they shouldn't be allowed. 286 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,720 You got kids? No. 287 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,280 Then what do you know about it? I used to be one. 288 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:21,520 Oh, yeah. In the '80s, where your parents smoked fags around you 289 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,040 and got drunk on Cinzino. 290 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,600 Cinzano. Whatever. 291 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,960 Yeah. They didn't leave us behind, though. 292 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,080 I don't need them. 293 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,520 I'm my own parents. 294 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,160 Hmm. All right. 295 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:36,640 Shall we? 296 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,080 Well, splurge it down. 297 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,760 Splurge it down? No? 298 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,000 Do you know much about blood spatter? 299 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,760 About as much as you know about Instagram. 300 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,200 Then listen carefully. 301 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,960 From the scene, I can tell you straight away 302 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,640 it wasn't the shock that killed him. 303 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:14,960 It wasn't? No. 304 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,280 It caused him to spasm, sure, 305 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,440 which meant that he thrashed around here, 306 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,840 eventually hitting his head on this cabinet. 307 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,520 Ew. The blood on that wall was from the head injury - 308 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,160 violent involuntary convulsions from the shock. 309 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,840 Resulting in light to moderate blood spatter, 310 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:38,120 simple enough to remove from non-porous surfaces. 311 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,800 You'd be amazed how much blood comes from a head injury. 312 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,520 So, that was what killed him? 313 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,280 A third-degree abrasion? 314 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,960 Oh, my sweet child, 315 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,560 I very much doubt it. 316 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,080 No, he's not done yet. 317 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,840 So he's thrashing around at the end of a live wire, 318 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,080 receiving electrical burns at the point of contact, 319 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,560 leading to a bit more of the old... 320 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,000 Light to moderate blood spatter. 321 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,240 Very good. Yes. 322 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,920 Now, eventually, he's thrown this way, 323 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,040 where he lands here, 324 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,720 on your glass coffee table. 325 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,320 So, it wasn't the arcade machine that killed him? 326 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,280 Glass severs arteries. 327 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,320 What does glass do? 328 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:14,680 Severs arteries. 329 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,320 And arteries are connected to... 330 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,560 The heart. Nature's pump. 331 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,600 Pump Up The Jam. 332 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,080 It's a song. 333 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,960 It doesn't matter. 334 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,600 Can I do it? 335 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:28,720 I don't know. 336 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,560 Can you? 337 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,640 I was just saying you can have a go. You should have a go at it. 338 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,680 Ah. 339 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:44,920 What was that? 340 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,040 No good? 341 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,760 Have you any idea how much blood the heart pumps around the body? 342 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,200 Put some welly into it! 343 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,680 Now we're talking. 344 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,440 I think you're ready... 345 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,400 Sorry. I think you're ready. 346 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,800 Enough? Is this what it looked like? 347 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,120 Yeah, it's pretty good. 348 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,320 We just missed one bit. 349 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,000 What the fuck?! 350 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,480 Oh. Sorry, I was just... 351 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,040 What the actual fuck?! 352 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,480 I thought I'd lost you. 353 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,960 Blimey. 354 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,520 Is that a Home Alone Hosea look? 355 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,640 One of them. 356 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,560 I had to change, because somebody 357 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,600 squirted jam in my face. 358 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,200 Yeah, sorry about that. 359 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,480 Got a bit carried away. 360 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,560 Why would you do that? 361 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,680 For fun? Oh, yeah, 362 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,320 cos squirting jam all over someone is so fun. 363 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,040 You want to have a laugh more often, you do, mate. 364 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,120 Bet you've never been in there either, have you? 365 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,240 What? 366 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,760 Four or five cans, couple of tequilas, I'd be straight in there. 367 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,160 It's for fish. 368 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,160 You and your mates have never jumped in there 369 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,360 when you're pissed? I don't drink. 370 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:50,880 What?! 371 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,400 Why?! 372 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,760 I guess cos I'm not a total loser, that's why. 373 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,720 You've got some space hoppers back there. 374 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,840 I bet you've never even been on your space hoppers, have you? 375 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,160 I've got what? 376 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,600 99 Luftballons by Nena 377 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,120 How many followers have you got? 378 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,240 Was five mil, 379 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,280 but this dead guy stream should get the followers back up. 380 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,640 Five million? 381 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,520 I find it hard enough to manage five mates. 382 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,840 I only like four of them. 383 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,240 Weasel's on a final warning. 384 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,400 You've got a friend called Weasel? 385 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,000 Yeah. We keep trying to get rid of him, 386 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,720 but he pulls us back in. 387 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,480 Maybe my life's not so bad. 388 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,800 ♪ Neunundneunzig Luftballons 389 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,320 ♪ Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont 390 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,800 ♪ Hielt man fur Ufos aus dem All 391 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,200 ♪ Darum schickte ein... ♪ 392 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,520 I just think there has to be some times in your life 393 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,560 where no-one can get in touch with you. 394 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,360 When you're not online at all. 395 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,520 Do you know what I mean? 396 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,720 Over. 397 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,520 It's not working! 398 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,400 The problem is, a 23-year-old living in a house 399 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,280 isn't very Home Alone. 400 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,200 People have stopped finding it cute. 401 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,960 Yeah, I get it. 402 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,800 Classic Michael Jackson syndrome. 403 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,760 I am not like Michael Jackson! 404 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:08,920 Whoa! 405 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,480 I don't mean full-blown weird Michael Jackson. 406 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,640 I mean, you know, when people first started going, 407 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,720 "Oh. His best friend's a monkey, is it? 408 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,120 "A monkey?" 409 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:20,080 People are saying I'm weird. Like Tom Cruise. 410 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,080 So what does it matter what a load of strangers think? 411 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,840 Turn your computer off - job done. 412 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:25,920 What am I going to do? 413 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,320 Become a cleaner? 414 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,120 I'm a crime scene cleaner. 415 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,840 Ah! 416 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,000 ♪ Ninety-nine Ministers of War 417 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,560 ♪ Match and petrol can 418 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,000 ♪ Considered themselves smart people 419 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,280 ♪ Already smelled fat prey 420 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,920 ♪ Shouted “War!” And wanted power 421 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,320 ♪ Man, who would have thought that 422 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,680 ♪ That it will come to this one day 423 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,320 ♪ Because of ninety-nine... Whoa! 424 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,960 Have you seen? Looks good, right? 425 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,080 Yeah, bro, sweet. 426 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,240 We've got the livestream ready to go. Come on. 427 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,920 Who IS that? 428 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:05,960 My manager. 429 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,240 Oh, he's your manager? 430 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,880 Right. I just thought he was the village idiot. 431 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,920 He manages all the big influencers. 432 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,000 Come on. 433 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,240 What? What do you mean? 434 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,520 Well, you've got to be in it. 435 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:19,120 What? Why? Well, to make it look proper. 436 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,680 You can clean up in the background. 437 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,320 Clean up the mess we've just made? Get lost. 438 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,040 Please. 439 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,680 This is a big deal for me. 440 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,040 Yeah, great. So this is Baxter. 441 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,600 He's our senior consultant demographer, 442 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,320 so he'll be across, like, live traffic analysis, 443 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,720 updating user profiles 444 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,880 and multi-platform brand reach... 445 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:48,920 ..and that. 446 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,880 Fuck me, there's two of him. 447 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,120 Dude, can you start...thingy? 448 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,240 Cleaning? Is that the word you're struggling for? 449 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,120 We are going live any second, broski. 450 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:03,120 Well, I mean, I could rub it with this, 451 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,360 but I'll tell you now, without the correct chemical formula, 452 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:06,840 it's just a man moving jam around a floor. 453 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,520 Please, I'm trying to get into the right headspace. 454 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:10,920 I've got standards. 455 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,040 I don't want other crime scene cleaners seeing this. 456 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,920 Two out of the three of them are real gossips. 457 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,160 I don't want them chatting shit about me on the WhatsApp group. 458 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:18,640 You know what that's like. Please! 459 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,920 Hey, guys and girls and my nonbinary friends. 460 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,640 So, yesterday, something mad happened. 461 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,600 Y'all know how much I love the '80s, 462 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,080 so I figured what's more '80s than an original '80s cabinet? 463 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:33,480 Bummer alert! 464 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,080 It wasn't wired properly, like, a fuse had gone or something. 465 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,120 This is when things get freaky. 466 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,040 So this guy came round to fix it 467 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,800 and was, like, super sweet, 468 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:47,840 but there was, like, 469 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,240 a massive problem with the machine and it's, like, totally killed him. 470 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,960 So the police sent some clean-up guy to, like, 471 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,120 clean up and that, 472 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:59,280 but I just wanted my Hoseas to know what's been going on with me. 473 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,680 Oh, my God, look at what is going on. 474 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,040 My poor little cleaner guy. Isn't he cute? 475 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,320 So, apparently, it wasn't the shock that killed him. 476 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,760 That's why there was so much blood. 477 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,320 That's what you were saying, right? 478 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,760 Uh... Yes? 479 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,200 Well, tell... Tell the guys 480 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,760 what you were saying about, you know, 481 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,480 the coffee table and something about the artery. 482 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:26,600 Oh. 483 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:29,640 Oh. 484 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,560 You can see from the blood on the wall 485 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,880 that this was actually the first injury. 486 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,760 The victim would have fallen and hit his head here, 487 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,360 against this cabinet, 488 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,800 causing this blood spatter pattern. 489 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,040 But it wasn't the head injury that killed him, was it? 490 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,360 That's what you were telling me. Oh, no, no. 491 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:49,440 This is actually nowhere near as bad as it looks. 492 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,880 You can see that from... The blood pattern 493 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,400 is actually quite localised from the abrasion. 494 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,720 Ooh. 495 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,560 What is this? 496 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,440 Mm. Sticky! 497 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,920 Ooh, now, that is interesting. 498 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,360 That's actually the victim's wedding ring. 499 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,400 You see, during electrocution, 500 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,120 even the small muscles in the hand, 501 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,080 they would tighten, causing it to fall off. 502 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,800 It's intriguing what you find out about victims in this job. 503 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,480 From that, we know he was married. 504 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,120 From a picture I found in his wallet earlier, 505 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:25,800 I can tell you he had three small children. 506 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:29,000 Shut up! This is not about the dead guy! 507 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,520 Not cool, bro! 508 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,600 OK, the stuff about the kids was too much. 509 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,040 Let's go again! 510 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,040 Please! You're cancelled. You're cancelled. You're done. 511 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,080 Me? You are cancelled. 512 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,920 We'll rebrand. We can't rebrand. 513 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,160 New vibes, new things. You can't uncancel a cancel. 514 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,240 I'm done. This is done. You're done. 515 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,240 You're cancelled. And we're done. 516 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,160 And I'm out. OK? 517 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,920 I'm out. 518 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,480 I bought you a cola-flavoured soda. 519 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,560 They're not allowed to call it Coke for legal reasons. 520 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,200 And because it tastes like piss. 521 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,560 They'll forget. 522 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,440 They'll never forget. 523 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:36,760 It's there forever. 524 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,320 Where? In the cloud. 525 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,160 Is it? 526 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,160 You been sending dick pics, Grandad? No. 527 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,640 Wish I was born in the '80s. 528 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,040 Yeah, it was good. 529 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,320 No internet. 530 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,080 No phones. 531 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,360 Endless summers. Yeah, all right, I get it. 532 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,480 The Exxon Valdez oil spill. 533 00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,680 The Challenger disaster. 534 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,120 Chernobyl. 535 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:03,920 What? Yeah. 536 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,720 The '80s are just like now - 537 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,080 really great and really shitty. 538 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,760 Don't believe the hype. 539 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,200 Ugh. Jam everywhere. 540 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,520 Yeah. Funny, innit? 541 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,520 In many ways, it's harder to get out than blood. 542 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,480 I'm like Lady Macbeth. 543 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,520 Out, damned jam? 544 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,720 You've not seen it, have you? 545 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:28,960 No. No. 546 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,280 Course you haven't. 547 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,640 I'll show you a good way to get jam out. 548 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,960 You're not going to... I am. 549 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,760 But you haven't even got jam on you. No. 550 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:41,880 I've got no jam on me. 551 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,320 I'm going to jump in the pond just for the sake of it. 552 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,560 Oi. 553 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,200 Put your phone away. 554 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:49,640 Just do a thing. 555 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:56,400 Fuck it! 556 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,560 Oh, God, it's freezing! 557 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:20,560 That is actually awful. 558 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:21,840 What's that smell? 559 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,040 That's fish shit. 560 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,640 And duck shit. 561 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,960 Ugh! We should've just jumped in the hot tub. 562 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,600 In the what? 563 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,640 Yeah. 564 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,280 Yeah, you're right, this is better. 565 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,560 Mm. We're like the Real Housewives of Atlanta. 566 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,320 I know! Right? 567 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,080 You've not seen it, have you? 568 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,320 No. 569 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,000 So, what happened next, 570 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,960 after you jumped in a pond in the '80s? 571 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,000 Oh, my mum'd bollock us for getting wet 572 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,760 and then feed us watery minced beef. 573 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,600 My life's not so bad, is it? 574 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,600 No! 575 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:56,800 But maybe leave Hosea at home for a bit. 576 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,600 Go and see some real-world stuff, eh? 577 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,320 What is your real name? 578 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:04,640 Bernard. 579 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:05,840 Yeah, stick with Hosea. 580 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:12,560 Bernard. 581 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,400 You do know Home Alone was filmed in the '90s, right? 582 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,440 It's not '80s. 583 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,680 It's been pointed out to me. 584 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:20,960 Ah. 585 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:23,840 Now the '90s... 586 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:28,080 ..they were amazing.